I do most of my writing at Hammer and Ale, which is a wonderful taproom that I love dearly. I try to arrive as early as work lets me off so that I can settle in at “my table.” It’s in the corner has the best view, is an appropriate height for my small frame, and no vent directly blows on it. In the era of rona lockdowns the owners let me hide behind stacked bar stools at it. I launched this blog from that table, and I do 90% of my writing there. Unfortunately it is frequently stolen from me.
Most recently it is med students, who have discovered Hammer. They come en masse and loudly take over the place shouting to each other about bad dates and patients who bleed too much. That is bad enough what is worse is when it is stolen by a fellow regular. Seltzer guy knows better but his spot sometimes gets taken by med students, and he also has a wife to sit with and talk to; it’s hard to hold a grudge against someone you are so noddingly acquainted with. By far the worst offender is “The Horrible Woman.” she gloats when she steals it. There are other reasons to dislike her, all of them good, but this is the chief one.
What people don’t realize is that by taking the roost of a regular they are upsetting the balance of the place. Admittedly I am a curmudgeon who hates change, but this means that I believe in the correct order of things. Everyone has a place, and everyone in their place. When one of us is bumped from our usual, it is like dominos and no one is happy with the result. Except the unwitting med student cheerfully sipping his pint, blissfully unaware that he has mildly irritated most people, and is trying my sanctification and personal struggle with the sixth commandment.
My feelings as to how seating should be explained is presented best by Roy from The IT Crowd:
“You… You can’t upset the whole harmony of the place… Look, I know that the place looks like a bit of a mess, but it’s actually a very delicate ecosystem. Everything is connected. It’s like the rainforest. You change one thing, even the tiniest bit, and the whole rainforest dies. You don’t want the rainforest to die, do you?”
If you read this blog, live in Memphis, and come to Hammer please bear all of this in mind.
One final submission to the record: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pdyf9ZRjda8