Just Shy of an Android Priest

It’s usually the smells and bells that lure people away into Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy. Though they deny it, claiming that it is the beauty and depth of the service, when you boil it down it is the pageantry of it all. But really there is only a centuries difference that separates the smells and bells from hazers and lasers. In either case it is like coming to an ocean only to discover that it is one inch deep all the way across. Elevation Church worships the ridiculous idol of Stephen Furtick, and Our Lady of the Blessed Fleshy Chalice worships the absurd picture of Mary. Neither worships Jesus. But there is one advantage the papists have, of which I have recently been made aware of, that is perfectly suited to the modern, youngish, nerd, and it calls to them.

I speak of the world building. The Vicar of Satan has at his disposal an entire lore and system to deploy that is tailor made for the fantasy/sci-fi obsessed type. You literally can jump into mystical ancient texts, rituals, even laws for this land. You can geek out on history, councils, and cannon law. There is even dress up that you get to participate in. Every mass is like it’s own little comic con. You can collect all the saints, and argue over which ones were legitimate, who should be made one, and who should never have been bumped from this pantheon of deceased holy rollers. You can join which order you want to align with, only instead of elf, dwarf, or orc, you have to choose between Jesuits, Benedictine, or Franciscan. Basically every ritual is short one laser sword or android priest away from the perfect blend of sci-fi/fantasy.

And while there is a ton of research that goes into mastering all of this, I maintain it is shallow. It is much easier to be a slave to Mary, who is dead, than to Christ the living savior. In the latter case your salvation must be worked out with fear and trembling. To master reformed theology means to be forced to preach as a dying man speaks to dying men. The weight of it is not derived from a rock pile of condemnation that must be worked off, but from the weight of glory. It is joyful and serious business to be Reformed, it is not the easy path or the gentle slope, with no sudden turnings, guided by the well worn grooves of tradition. It is a riotous pedal to the metal drive across a minefield, and by God’s grace you will arrive on the other side to the Celestial City. It is not a game for spiritual cosplayers, it is a job for men.

%d bloggers like this: